Delivered on June 12, 2005, Melana

discusses parenting as Christians.

This is the second in a series dealing with

topics requested by the congregation.

Being Christian Parents                                    Prov. 22:6 and Joshua 24:14,15

 

          In order to become a Presbyterian minister, I had to attain a college degree, a three year masters’ degree and pass five national exams.  To be an elementary school teacher, someone must have a college degree and often another year of training in teaching methods and planning.  To be a welder, people must pass a training course.  Often jobs also require a specific amount of continuing or on-the-job training.

          In order to become a parent, probably the most difficult job there is, all I had to do was have a child.  There are no required courses or job training for parents, we learn as we go. 

          When Erin was 2 days old, she wasn’t getting enough to eat and I couldn’t teach her how to nurse better, it was the middle of the night, she was crying, I was crying, and Bert wondered why she didn’t come with a manual.  Children don’t come with a manual, but they do come with a lot of immediate needs and sometimes we don’t know how to deal with some of them.

          Train up a child in the way she should go and when she is old, she will not depart from it.  That is one of my most favorite verses of Scripture - but we receive no training on how to train a child in the way he should go.

          Most parents want their children to grow up to be the best people they can be.  The difficult thing is to know how best to do that.  US culture right now is saying that the way to help your child grow into the best person they can be is to put them in as many activities as they want to be involved in and let them get a taste of different things so that they find the one thing that they are excellent at doing.  Most families today find it difficult to have dinner together at night because too many activities spread the family too thin.  How many times have you had to send Dad with one child to one ball game and Mom with another child to gymnastics classes, hoping to meet up together by 9pm for baths and homework and bed?  And this with children who are under 10 years old!

          As I often do, I am preaching to myself - this is something we wrestle with at our house - how many activities are too many - when does homework get     done - what if activities interfere with worship or LOGOS?  Our job as parents involves teaching children self-esteem and courage - which means we want them to have things to do that they enjoy.  We want them to try new activities - but we also want them to experience childhood and the unconditional love of a Christian family.  It is this draw of so many activities that made me pick the Joshua passage for reading this morning.  There are so many good activities for children to do today - and many of them do cause conflicts for worship time or LOGOS - so how do we choose.

          Our culture has elevated competition and winning to the status of gods - we want our children to be the best, to get scholarships and awards - because we want them to feel good about themselves, but society also provides rewards for those who are the best.  Our society has promoted the mindset that making the Olympic team in a sport - having the discipline and training to get that far, is not enough -only winning the gold medal is enough. 

          That is not really what we want to teach our children - because one day, because of the way life is, they will not be the best - and we don’t want their self-esteem totally tied to their achievements.  It is difficult to preach a 12 minute sermon about what it means to be Christian parents - I have taught 2 hour classes for 8 weeks at a time and we have still only touched the surface of parenting issues.  The crux of parenting may come down to how we teach the things we most want our children to know -  That they are loved by their parents and that they are loved unconditionally by God.  That they are not perfect, but neither is anyone else and that learning to apologize is a precious gift.  That they are valued, not for what they accomplish, but for who they are - and that they are precious in God’s sight.  That we respect them and expect them to respect others, even those who are different than they are.  That they can make responsible choices and learn from their mistakes and that because we love them, we will forgive them when they mess up - and so will God.

          I happen to think it is impossible for parents to teach children all of this alone.  I know it isn’t politically correct to say this, but I believe that it takes a village to raise a child.  Teachers have a tremendous influence on children - How many of you, when your child entered kindergarten or first grade, suddenly found that you knew nothing and the child’s teacher knew everything?  Other adults can have a strong positive influence on children - research has shown that a teenager who has at least one other adult to talk to about issues of concern, will be more successful.  Teachers, coaches, and adults at church can be those adults that help families train up a child.  That is one of the strengths of LOGOS - children have other adults who know them and love them and want to hear their concerns.  The church can be a place for families to come and share in worship and study and go home to talk about God’s love for them.  Children can often help us discover what we believe because they are not afraid to ask questions that may be difficult for us to answer.  Children also learn best by seeing what we do - It doesn’t matter what we say, it matters what they see us do.  That is why we ask parents to help in some way with LOGOS because then children see that church and faith are important enough for Mom or Dad to take time away from their busy schedules to participate - the same is true for worship.  Children may be bored in worship, but it is a time when they are with parents and  can feel the parents love and hopefully the love of the congregation and of God.

          My earliest memories of worship have nothing to do with hymns or Scriptures or sermons, they have to do with laying my head in my mother’s lap and feeling loved.  By having children in worship, even when they are bored, we are including them in the family of our faith and as they grow they will come to recognize what we do as important to them because we included them.

          Being Christian parents means that we recognize that we are not perfect. We will make mistakes in disciplining our children, in failing to listen to them, in pushing them to do things - but we can learn from our mistakes - We can apologize to our children, we can let them see that we can be angry with one another and still love one another - we can pick ourselves up and try again - knowing that God is with us all the way.

          The real secret, as every parent learns, is to go into your child’s room every night and watch them sleeping and store up that feeling of peace and love for all the trials that come on the next day when they are awake.  Being a parent is a calling from God - and God will give us the strength for the journey - although some days we would like a little more strength a little sooner.

                  Being a parent is a gift from God, for in our children we see the world with innocence again - we open our eyes to a new world each day.  So enjoy every moment of God’s call to be a parent - knowing God is with you every step of the way.

 

© Melana Scruggs 2005

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